Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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