my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
