I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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