Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
