dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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