Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
