used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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