Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
