I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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