Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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