no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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