I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
