She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
