farters have to be the big spoon...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
