she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
