I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
