Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
