Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
