he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
