i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
