No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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