so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
