sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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