He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
