rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
