that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
