so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
we're so committed to being not committed
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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