I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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