I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
