are you so shy because you have an std?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
