Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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