He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
