I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
