I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
