Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
then he tried to convert me to islam
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
