you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
