Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
