she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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