i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
