my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
