I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
