Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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