He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
