Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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