my sisters under your porch take her home
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
