Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
