You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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