I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
