Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
