I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
