We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
