At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
