My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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